Would Jesus Play for the Yankees?

I have a friend who loves to take controversial positions. He often likes to try and be the opposite of everyone else, just so he can fight about it.

He loves to take a stand even if he’s wrong simply for the debate. He has one radical position that really got me thinking recently.

Since I don’t want to sell him out we’ll give him a made up name. Let’s go with… oh I don’t know… Micahn (Pronounced MEE-KON).

Micahn happens to be the pastor of a church, and again, I don’t want to reveal his identity so we’ll say he lives in Yakima, WA.

So for review, this friend of mine named Micahn pastors a church in Yakima and loves to take controversial positions because he loves to debate.

Anyway, Micahn’s latest position is a frustrating one for me. He believes that if Jesus were to play for a Major League Baseball team it would be for the New York Yankees.

You read that correctly. He thinks Jesus would wear pinstripes.

Micahn. A man of God. The pastor of church in Yakima. Believes that if Jesus were to play Major League Baseball he’d be a Yankee.

So in response to this terrible position, I have decided to gather the best baseball minds and theologians (my dad, uncle and brothers), in order to prove Micahn wrong.

Which team would Jesus play for? It’s been a great biblical debate for at least the last minute or so that you’ve been reading this post.

Below are our findings on the subject. Feel free to disagree or agree with us, but please leave your own comment as we continue to try and solve this age-old debate.

Which Major League Baseball team would Jesus play for?

  • Arizona Diamondbacks – Uh, no. The Bible says He crushed the serpent under his heel. Why would he turn around and play for them?


  • Atlanta Braves – We are warriors in Christ, but that’s more of a spiritual thing. You’ve taken it too literally Braves.


  • Baltimore Orioles, Houston Astros, & Pittsburgh Pirates – No. Even, “becoming like the least of these,” has its limitations.


  • Boston Red Sox – Yes, Jesus broke the curse. But, it wouldn’t matter in Boston; they’d probably just trade Him away like they did Babe Ruth.


  • Chicago White Sox – No. Jesus wore sandals.


  • Chicago Cubs – Jesus has won the ultimate victory for us, He is NOT a “loveable loser.”


  • Cincinnati Reds – Jesus fought the current system, he would want no part of the, “Big Red Machine.”


  • Cleveland Indians – Cleveland rocks, it’s home to the Rock n’ Roll Hall of Fame. The band Nazareth is still not enshrined, Jesus will hold out until they are.


  • Colorado Rockies – Jesus is the creator. He is above His creation.


  • Detroit Tigers – Detroit is home to America’s automakers. Ford, GM, and Chrysler; but something you may not know is Jesus is creation conscious and drives Prius.


  • Florida Marlins & Tampa Bay Rays – He was more into teaching others to be, “fishers of men,” not so much sport fishing.


  • Kansas City Royals – Although he is the king of kings He did not come to this world to set up an earthly kingdom… Especially in Kansas City.


  • Los Angeles Angels – No way. You see in Heaven management shouldn’t fraternize with the employees.


  • Los Angeles Dodgers – Even Jesus himself couldn’t help the McCourt divorce proceedings.


  • Milwaukee Brewers – Don’t think so, Jesus was more of a wine connoisseur.


  • Minnesota Twins – Wouldn’t work because, “there is no one like Him.”


  • New York Mets – Hahaha. The Mets suck. No. Also, if Jesus ever slumped the harsh New York media would crucify Him all over again.


  • New York Yankees – 27 championships… good. Fighting to end slavery during the Civil War… great. Jesus brought freedom to ALL HUMANITY… that’s Supernatural! Sorry Micahn, Jesus had a bigger purpose in mind.


  • Oakland Athletics – Wasn’t living in Nazareth bad enough? Oakland? Yeesh.


  • Philadelphia Phillies – Pretty sure the Phillie Phanatic is a demon.


  • San Diego Padres – We’re pretty sure Jesus was non-denominational.


  • San Francisco Giants – Jesus family line is known for giant slaying (King David). This may cause unwanted drama in the clubhouse.


  • St. Louis Cardinals – His eye is on the SPARROW! That song says nothing about Cardinals. Plus they already have the Peace Arch, why would they the Prince of Peace?


  • Texas Rangers – He was tempted and survived the desert, but Arlington in August? Wow, even that’s a little too extreme.


  • Toronto Blue Jays – Are you kidding? Everyone knows Jesus hasn’t been welcome in Canada for the last 30 years.


  • Washington Nationals – Nope. There’s this little thing known as separation of church and state. Plus, Jesus would never mix religion and politics.



That leaves one clear choice, the Seattle Mariners.

It’s simple when you think about it. Jesus was used to living near water.

His best friends were fishermen. He spent tons of His time on a boat.

He “chose the things of this world that ARE NOT to shame the things that ARE!”

Yes, it’s settled, Jesus is a Seattle Mariner. Case closed.

Sorry friend I named “Micahn” for this post.

**I’d love to hear from you. Did we miss something? Have your own pithy comment to add? Share them below…**

12 thoughts on “Would Jesus Play for the Yankees?

  1. I knew this was coming but had no idea how good this would be! It’s hard to argue with your doctrine and impossible to argue with your “make believe” friend LITTERALLY! The problem with your final thought is that there is no way Jesus could possibly play for the Mariners! You see Jesus just can’t lose! And well that all the Mariners do!

  2. Donovan, you’re only allowed to say that because you’re the stud that made this site possible. If it were anyone else I’d ban ’em. Haha. Thanks for all you do.

  3. Even though I don’t understand 95% of this post (baseball mumbo-jumbo) and it’s a little Mark Driscoll-y for me (Jesus, the UFC fighter)… it gave me some good laughs.

    Thanks for calling out Micahn!

  4. I do believe it’s time for a little female perspective on this topic.
    Unfortunately Andy, I do not agree with your thoughts above on the Los Angeles Angels. After all, it does say in the book of Luke that the “Son of Man will arrive in all His splendor, in the company of His Angels” – and who are we to argue with the word of God?!?
    Therefore, I have reached the conclusion that Jesus would play for the LA Angels.
    It should also be noted that all great things come from California!

    • Crap. You may have settled it once and for all. I’m not sure I can refute your findings. Thanks for bringing the female flavor. One last thing though: without looking it up or asking for help, can you name five players currently on the Angels’ roster?

      • The Lord knows all His Angels by name Andy; that’s not a responsibility that I have to carry.
        I do however feel that you may be still hanging on to some anger from the 2010 season when Kendry Morales hit the home run that resulted in a win over the Mariners. It’s time to let go Andy. Let go and let God!

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